Posts tagged submission
Posts tagged submission
Hi, my name is Rachael. I am eighteen, from the UK. [Poss trigger warning-eating disorders]
I’m being a bit lazy about the photo, it doesn’t exactly fit the blog rules, but I wanted to put my story with a picture that is recent. I’ll explain why.
I’ve had a long struggle being comfortable with how I look. I can remember it starting in year five, or when I was about nine. Girls would talk about make up, and what their mum’s would wear and things they’d read in magazines, but I had no clue what any of that was! I was never girly, and can now proudly identify as a weird kid, for good reason.
At eleven, I entered secondary school, and my body confidence went down fast, surrounded by girls who had make up and knew how to be fashionable. I had started a paper round, and with my new wage packet, I’d splash out on so much chocolate, I’d often never have money left the same day I got paid. I also was trusted to buy my own dinners at school, which meant three packets of M&M’s a day too. It wasn’t healthy, and I can see now it was comfort eating more than anything. Before that point, my parents had kept me away from chocolate, and I was fine with it being a rare treat, but as I began to feel worse, over indulging made me feel better.
Through secondary, I went through several phases with my overall “look”. After a few months of being hippy, I became a fully fledged Goth and started dressing appropriately. My entire wardrobe was black; I had nothing that had any colour whatsoever. Looking back I can realise now that the reason I felt comfortable doing so, was because I was trying to hide behind it.
As I went through school and entered college, my diet got much worse, and I wasn’t doing any form of exercise. The paper round had stopped after two years, because I had too much school work. The school work meant I never really got a chance to exercise. Not going out meant easy access to the fridge. It was a vicious cycle. It hardly helped that my college was literally thirty seconds away from a Spar shop, so lunchtimes were feasts of everything unhealthy.
However, the Gothic phase began to disappear as I met my lovely friends, and my confidence began to grow. I still wouldn’t wear colour, and my hair had been dyed black for a year before I finally worked up the courage to buy a dress. Before that, I never wore skirts, ever, and any I had were no shorter than ankle length. I was still hiding. Wearing the dress made me feel pretty, so I chanced it, and got a lot of compliments. But then it disappeared into the back of my wardrobe, and I didn’t wear it for a long time. My weight still made me feel that I had to hide, and anything that got me noticed, like pretty dresses was bad.
Now, I am at university. I have moved out of my home, and into a new place, looking after myself fully for the first time. No mum to cook healthy stuff for me, or to get me up in the morning. I began to realise that the one responsible for me, was me. I’m still not eating healthily, but I’m getting better, or trying. I’ve also resolved to get fitter over the summer, and enjoy the sun while it lasts. No more being stuck at a computer for days on end. If I have a bad day where I do feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I have a set of songs that I listen to. They’re linked in my mind to the times where I felt absolutely gorgeous, and when I hear them, they bring that feeling right back again. However, the biggest change for me was the sudden arrival of cheap shops, and the sudden epiphany that I liked wearing colourful things! Now, I do wear what I want, and I am proud to say that I haven’t bought anything black in over a year. That’s why I wanted this picture as my submission.
That’s me, in my favourite cardigan that isn’t black and my first pair of jeans that aren’t black. I’m proud of how I look there, I’m proud of how happy I look. This made me realise that my body is the only one I’m going to get. It doesn’t matter what size it is, as long as it works, and to keep it working, I have to treat it right. Healthy food, and as much love as I can possibly give it from now on, and that’s all that matters.
No more hiding.
I’ve struggled with severe mental health issues my whole life. When I was fourteen years old I “slipped” into a clinical depression that lasted for two years. I would talk more about that time in my life, but to be honest, I don’t remember much of it. My doctor said something about my brain being in a different state and that if I was ever clinically depressed again (unlikely) I would remember things from my first depression and not remember things from before/after it.
I lost so much weight while depressed. I couldn’t eat, I would get so incredibly nauseous. On a good day I would be able to choke down crackers and peanut butter. My weight went down to 110 lbs. I am 5’6.5” and for me that was a really unhealthy weight.
I eventually got onto a medicine that was supposed to help me gain weight (because no nausea meant eating, which meant more energy and less depression, etc.) and I quickly got a bottomless pit for a stomach. I wasn’t only not-nauseous, I was HUNGRY. I ate and ate and ate, I didn’t know how to stop myself. My weight ballooned out of control. In a matter of a few months I had gained 50 lbs. I was unhappy with the way I looked, my body had felt foreign when I was underweight and all of a sudden my body felt foreign because I weighed more than I ever had in my life. I had a love/hate relationship with clothing. Things that I loved from a few months ago made me feel bloated and unhappy. I wore t-shirts and jeans and had to shop for new bras (which I hated).
I eventually started feeling better emotionally. My depression finally lifted and I was having hope for the first time in a long time. I started walking everyday, just for a little bit at first, then for longer amounts of time. I started making sure the things I ate I ate in moderation. Eventually I was at a weight that made me feel secure in myself.
To this day I have to calm myself down at times because I freak out about gaining a lot of weight really quickly over silly little things. It is just some of the baggage that I carry around with me that I have had to learn to accept. I am more than my weight. My weight is not a sure thing, but that is okay. No matter what I weigh now I am happy that I am able to enjoy life. That in itself means more than numbers on a scale could ever mean to me.
-Lena, 20, thefemmegasm.tumblr.com
I have hated a lot of things about myself. I still do sort of…
but screw it. I’m hairy, I have tons of crevices, scars, bumps, and humps. I have scrawny areas and fat areas.
I’m like one of those tea pots that the more damaged they are, the more beautiful they become. Because being yourself gives you character and uniqueness. Don’t conform unless you really want to. Try to love yourself. Lets go through this journey of selflove together each day of our lives.
Hi guys! My name is Makena and I am 18 years old!
I have been posting on SHYB since I started recovery for my bulimia with anorexic tendencies almost two years ago. I know the top picture looks like a before-and-after of my weight, but it’s not! The picture on the left is one of the first pictures I submitted of myself to SHYB, back in 2011. I was still in the midst of my eating disorder and very much struggling with my self-image. As you can see, I was too embarrassed to wear a bikini. Whenever I see that photo on the left, I see a very unhappy girl with zero confidence. I hated my legs and I thought I had a very chubby stomach. Now in the photo on the right, after nearly two years of recovery with much love and support, I see someone totally different! I see a girl that—can you believe it—was excited to wear a bikini to the beach, and not just wear it, but take pictures! I am just truly proud of all the positive changes and progress I have made in my life: I work out at least 4x a week and keep track of my nutrition (not calories). I actually am starting to love my body and I am learning more every day how to treat it with the respect it deserves.
Also, I just wanted to say, in August I will be one year purge-free!!:))
Anyways, thanks for reading this! If anyone ever wants to talk sometime, message me here!
TRIGGER WARNING/TW: Mental/Psychological Disorders/Suicidal Thoughts/Abuse.
I was really inspired to post a picture here. This blog is incredible.
I’ve always been the bigger girl all my life. I grew up with a mom who couldn’t afford food that was nutritious, healthy, the like. I grew up eating whatever was around. Traditionally, junk. So, it’s rather embodied in my brain that eating is a way of comfort, to never eat the right things, drink the right things, make choices, live with them. It’s hard to break out of, this we all know. I didn’t have the best childhood, no father in the picture, I suppose he was disgusted and just high tailed and left, and my mother put me through 8 years of mental torment, constantly calling me fat in front of her friends, laughing at me, calling me a whore and a bitch.
Now I am 20 years old. No longer with my mother, my grandparents took the best of care of me, well. As much as they could.
At the age of 16 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Type 1. I suffer deep, deep depressions, I have been in one for 12 years. Small periods of high intense mania. Strong impulses, to shop, steal, use, lie, cheat, and eat.
But. I am high above those impulses. I am not letting my disorder define who I am. I am not letting my weight define who I am. I am a smart girl, who is artistic, lovely, incredible, and above all. Brave. To not succumb to suicide. To not go back to the Psychiatric Hospital. To not look at her arms and wrists and feel the urge, the stinging pain and succumb to it. No, I am not that person anymore.
I love this life I live. I love to wake up and look outside my window and see the light blue through my curtains and just know that another night has went and gone where I am still alive and breathing.
Today is going to be a good day.
In my life so far, I have felt the pressure from society to be thinner. I tried to deny my curves, and constantly felt bad about my body. In the last year or so, I have started to pay attention to all the wonderful things my body is capable of. I have a chronic illness (fibromyalgia) and I needed to stop looking at my body as a size/number and see it as a magnificient piece of machinery. It is absolutely crazy that we can do all we can do with our bodies, and through that fact I have come to love myself. I am a one of a kind piece of art, and I will not let society dictate how I should feel about all the magical things my body is capable of. Society keeps girls depressed and upset about their bodies so they will not fulfill their full potential.
To everyone out there, your body is an amazing thing. Focus on the things it is good at (mentally, emotionally, physically) and stop focusing on what it looks like to an outsider.
I mean, you only get one life and one body that is yours. Don’t let someone else’s ignorance dictate your life.
TRIGGER WARNING: eating disorders, harassment, abuse, self-hate
So I’m not much of a talker, but I’ll do my best to get my point across.
1. I had (still have) a poor relationship with my father in middle school. I was in an abusive relationship with a kind of friend in middle school. I was sexually harassed in middle school. I logically (though ultimately irrationally) concluded that there was something wrong with me. I spent the next two years striving to lose weight.
2. I lost weight, twenty pounds of it, and also lost my period and sanity because I was anorexic. (I was never technically underweight, but my body was wasting away all the same.) A shrink and a dietician “fixed” me, but for whatever reason, I was determinedly unfixed.
3. This is my senior year of high school. I have had a lot of falls and a lot of triumphs, and my life is eons, lightyears, universes away from something spectacular.
But this is not my body’s fault. And I have learned to love it.
I LOVE MY BODY BECAUSE
1. The places I’ve pierced my body (belly-button, nipples, VCH) have helped me to love it. When I hated my curvy belly, I decorated it. When I hated my big bouncy boobs, I made them my own. When I felt that my lady parts were working against me, I took control of them. I am fiercely proud of what I’ve done to my body.
2. My body is sensitive and can be delicate. My body knows when something is wrong. When I travel, when I eat something that doesn’t agree with me, when I refuse to eat, my body tells me. It may not always be pleasant, but it knows what’s good for me.
3. My body is strong. It can run for miles. It can push things, lift things, hold things. My body keeps me safe.
4. My body is much more than beautiful. My boyfriend thinks it’s beautiful, sure, but I no longer care if people think it’s beautiful or not. My body is more than a collection of attractive/unattractive parts. My body is my home, and nobody has to apologize for the place that they live in. And I will never apologize.
I’m being brave again and submitting this because I looked at it and thought I like how my body looks. This is huge. I NEVER think that. I have gained a lot of weight and at my highest weight ever, and I am constantly at war with my body. I have suffered from eating disorders for three years, and have had terrible, horrible, non-existant self esteem for even longer. Maybe it’s just the lighting and the way I’m standing, but I actually like how I look here. Taking pictures of my body helps me to see it the way it really is and not the distorted way I see it daily in the mirror. I think the human body is a beautiful thing and is not something to be ashamed of in any way shape or form. And I’m not ashamed of my body for this one moment. I am scarred and I have thick thighs that touch and a lower belly pooch and small boobs, and thats okay. I’m still beautiful how I am. My body is mine and I need to accept it. And if I can accept it in this photo and share that acceptance with all of you, that is a step in the right direction.
I never thought I would see myself in a bikini ever again, but that’s essentially what I’m wearing- a bikini. And it’s clothing that I feel proud and comfortable to wear, even after all this time.
I submitted a photo a year back when I was trying to deal with weight gain that came with recovery from anorexia. I was still incredibly insecure, but I felt that sharing my body and trying to become more comfortable with it might help me overcome my insecurities. One year and lots of hard work later, I finally feel like I’m at a place where I can be happy with myself, inside and out.
It’s still a lot of work and I have days where I feel like I’m relapsing, only to challenge my disordered thoughts and manage to find myself stronger in the end. I know that I’m almost there, and not being able to exercise due to an injury won’t stop me from recovering. The last step in my recovery is learning to be okay with myself without feeling the need to exercise, and I’m surviving it one day at a time. It’s been almost two months since my last workout, but I’m still on the road to recovery— it may be slower than before, but I’m still going.
I think my final message to everybody is that you’re beautiful, even if you don’t think that you are. Loving yourself doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s going to be a lot of hard work, but it’s worth it. You’re worth it. You are beautiful and loved, and all those people who love you will continue to love you +/- 20lbs, I promise you that.
The first step is learning to love yourself, and freeing yourself from the restraints, whether it be internal or external. You only live once, so let your life revolve around happy moments and exciting things rather than your body because it doesn’t- and never will- define your worth.
Feel free to message me at livelaughrecover.
You look good today, honey!
You are awesome and you should know that! :) <3
I put this notice on the door of my room, so will the first thing I will read every day be something positive. :)
BE BRAVE! JOIN THE BODY PEACE REVOLUTION!
This is my first submission.
I’ve been following this blog for a couple months now. It’s very inspiring to see people show the world themselves, even when it’s very hard for them, but that’s what makes them so brave and strong and that’s what I aspire to be every day.
This photo isn’t something I struggle with, but -in fact- something I enjoy. This photo is of something I learned to love about myself over the years. I won’t give you my whole story just yet, but when I was younger I was extremely self-conscious about everything. However, one day I decided to choose something and just begin to love it. Once I loved that part of myself I would move on to the next thing that bothered me. It’s really hard, but I’m glad I started when I did or I wouldn’t be where I am today. My white stretch marks are from when I shot up and stayed put. They don’t bother me at all anymore. In fact, I think they look really cool. They’re like lightning bolts -electrifying, beautiful and fantastic.
So many beautiful people post on this blog every day and I would just like to thank them for being so courageous.
BE BRAVE! JOIN THE BODY PEACE REVOLUTION!
Trigger Warning: Self Harm and Eating Disorders
My name’s Dana, and I am fifteen years old.
For a long time I’ve been insecure about my looks. Even as a young kid I would stand in front of the mirror and analyze every bit of my body. I just didn’t think I was beautiful. My eyes were too far apart, my nose too big, etc etc.
Then came high school. Along with the other pressures of high school life, like grades and friends, puberty brought along it’s own struggles. The former self esteem issues became magnified to the extreme. The self hatred started. I attempted suicide three times.
What you can’t see in this picture are the scars. The marks up and down my wrist, and zig-zagging over my hips. You also can’t see the tears over the number on the scale as I struggled with my weight. I’m 5’8”, and I was nearly down to 100 pounds. I’ve been fighting my self harm for two years now, and my anorexia for about the same time. It’s hard for me to eat what I want to eat, to try to recover, to think that maybe
I am worth recovering.
It’s hard. Anyone who’s ever had an eating disorder, or has gone through depression and self harm will tell you that it’s hard trying to change your thought process, trying to tell yourself that you’re worth it, you’re better than this, you’re beautiful. But I’m trying. I’m trying my hardest to recover, and I’m trying to live my life as well as I can.
Today is 4/26/13, I am 5’8”, and I currently weigh 133 pounds.
And I am happy with myself the way I am.
I finally got myself to submit a picture and I’m happy I did. It shows I’m totally fine with the way I look, even after all the things I went through.
Got bullied on for 4 years in primary school because of my weight and when it stopped at school, it started to last for another 4 years when I joined girl scouts. When I couldn’t handle it anymore and quit being a girl scout, which made an end to my dream of becoming a girl scout leader. Not being bullied anymore was a relief, but the chance of being bullied on again would always be there.
When I went to high school, nothing happened. That’s when I started to accept the way I looked like. But outside of school, I always felt like everyone was judging me even if they weren’t. I never really felt in place with all these good looking people around me, who all had boyfriends and were able to wear whatever they liked without being judged. I realized I still didn’t feel good about myself.
And then, age 22, I met a guy who made me feel the most beautiful girl in the world. It took me a while to get comfortable being naked in front of him, but once I did, I wished I would’ve done it sooner. He literally changed my world by telling me I’m beautiful and I started to love the way I look.
That’s why I chose this outfit to surprise him on our 6 months anniversary. I know he’s going to like it as much as I do.
I’ve never been particularly ‘at ease’ with my body, ever since I was a child. I found it harder as I grew up because my mother would constantly hug me and tell me I was anorexic or too skinny, even though when I stared in the mirror all I could see was too much fat. It left me feeling distorted and angry, and It resulted in me self harming, and starving myself, and putting my body through too much. Eventually, I had friends who couldn’t stand it any more, and made me face up to what I was doing to myself, and gradually with their help, i’ve started to appreciate what I see in the mirror, and i’ve stopped distorting the image. I eat healthily with my friends, who give me guidance and advice on how to do it healthily and not dangerously. I still have bad days, where I can’t stand to see myself, but I don’t look at photos of me and grimace. I want this to stay, as long as possible, because I would prefer to feel happy and healthy than to feel weak and scared, like I used to.
I’ve submitted once on here and had a bit of feedback, and I appreciate every word that was sent.
I am extremely skinny and tall, and this has caused quite a bit of greif through my life, even from my own siblings. Even now, I receive giraffes from my parents and family because of my skinniness and the length of my neck. They find it humorous; I, however, do not.
As you can probably see, I’ve quite a few stretch marks on my hips, and even more on my back. I hated them most of my life, but it wasn’t until recently that I’ve come to love them. They’re marks wish a story, telling me this is who I am.
And the reason why I am naked in the picture above is because my penis is my largest insecurity. In this generation, so many people talk about who has the biggest one. A man’s worth and ‘manliness’, at least amongst other men, is mostly measured by the length of it, and it’s hard having confidence when yours is only average. It’s the hardest thing to accept and I wish I didn’t have to feel so low about my masculinity because my member isn’t as big as someone else’s.
Thank you so much for reading this.