This is a place of encouragement, a place to discuss body image, insecurities, self-esteem, and everything under the umbrella of fighting self-hate and finding self-love.

No matter what you look like, what color, what gender, sexual orientation, what size or however many "flaws", healthy, not healthy, working on it, abled, disabled, we are all human, we all deserve to be happy, we all deserve to love ourselves. With this blog you will see all kinds of REAL bodies, REAL people, REAL stories.

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annieelainey:

In response to last week’s "Unhealthy Crushes" topic, this week let’s talk about rejection! 

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http://youtube.com/theannieelainey

—Submitted slavesoffashion

Last night, a very pretty girl was sitting with her friend at the same bar that my best friend and I were sitting at. I hadn’t seen my best friend in weeks because we’re both very busy people but we try as often as we can to see one another because we truly are one in the same. Last night, this very pretty girl was actively, loudly and obviously making rude comments toward us about how each of us look and dress and drink. One of her guy friends came over to say hi to them and she proceeded to ask him if we are “hotter” than her to which he sat there for a good 10 seconds, obviously unsure of what to say and how to react to such a strange question, then shook his head, giving her what she wanted. 
Last night, the bartender that this very pretty girl was batting her eyes at bought my friend and I this drink called a “Tic Tac”. We were unsure why he gave it to is but he was very kind and funny so we thanked him and it was delicious. I did glance over at the very pretty girl shortly after and both of them were staring at my best friend and I with very dissatisfied facial expressions.
Last night, my best friend asked me to be her Maid of Honor and also asked if my wonderful boyfriend would be in the grooms party. I excitedly accepted and it was a very happy moment for us. The very pretty girl doesn’t know that my best friend is getting married and starting a new chapter of her life. 
What the very pretty girl doesn’t know is that the bartender behind the bar isn’t interested in her or us, he is interested in men. What she doesn’t know is that my best friends grandfather died very recently and she just wanted to have a good night out to get her mind off of it. What she doesn’t know is that I battled anorexia years ago, and being comfortable in my own skin is still a struggle. What she doesn’t know is that my best friend also has a struggle with her self esteem, as well. What she doesn’t know is that we both try to accept ourselves and love ourselves every day so as to keep the dark thoughts at bay. What she doesn’t know is that two months ago, my mother almost died of a burst aneurysm and the last thing I am worried about is a girl I’ve never met and what she thinks of my little black dress paired with my red flannel top. What she doesn’t know is that her guy friend is uninterested in comparing her to every other girl that she sees in the bar. What she doesn’t know is that her insecurities are showing. What she doesn’t know is that no matter how many times she compares herself to someone, her happiness needs to depend on how she feels about herself and not other people. 

I am not one to be confident in myself, pretty much ever. I will probably never like certain things about my face or my body. But I will also certainly NOT EVER try to RUIN AND DESTROY other girls moods, evenings, days, or lives by making them feel terrible about themselves just because I am unaware that the bartender is gay, one girl is getting married and her grandfather just died and one girl is constantly worried about her mother and the way her legs look when she walks. 

Think about your actions before you perform them and think about bettering your life by bettering yourself, not by emotionally or verbally battering others.

BE BRAVE! JOIN THE BODY PEACE REVOLUTION!

Avoiding guilt during the holidays!

Hey all! I wrote a blog post last year around the holidays just as a reminder. I know the holidays can be a struggle for those with disordered eating or negative body image, and I wanted to give a little advice to hopefully make it easier for those who struggle with family members, food, and awkward questions.

You deserve to have an AMAZING holiday season, and I hope these pointers help!

Love,

Amber

1. Saying Things Like, “She Would Be So Pretty If…” Have you ever uttered anything along the lines of, “But she has such a gorgeous face” or “She would be more beautiful if she put on a few pounds?” You are limiting your idea of beauty to a cultural stereotype. Beauty is not conditional. If you can’t say anything nice, maybe it’s time to learn how.
2. Judging Other People’s Clothes While it’s fine for you to choose clothes any way you want, nobody else is required to adhere to your style.The person wearing that outfit is, in fact, pulling it off, even if you think she’s too flat chested, big chested, short, tall, fat or thin. And fat people don’t have to confine themselves to dark colors and vertical stripes, no matter who prefers it. And spandex? It’s a right, not a privilege.
3. Making It an ‘Us vs. Them’ Thing The phrase “Real Women Have Curves” is highly problematic. Developed as a response to the tremendous body shaming that fat women face, it still amounts to doing the same thing in the opposite direction. The road to high self-esteem is probably not paved with hypocrisy. Equally problematic is the phrase “boyish figure” as if a lack of curves makes us somehow less womanly. The idea that there is only so much beauty, only so much self-esteem to go around is a lie. Real women come in all shapes and sizes, no curves required.
4. Avoiding the Word “Fat”Dancing around the word fat is an insinuation that it’s so horrible that it can’t even be said. The only thing worse than calling fat people “big boned” or “fluffy” is using euphemisms that suggest body size indicates the state of our health or whether we take care of ourselves. As part of a resolution to end body shaming, try nixing phrases like “she looks healthy,” or “she looks like she is taking care of herself,” and “she looks like she is starving” when what you actually mean is a woman is thin.
5. Making Up Body Parts We could all lead very full lives if we never heard the words cankles, muffin top, apple shaped, pear shaped or apple butt ever again. We are not food.
6. Congratulating People for Losing Weight You don’t know a person’s circumstances. Maybe she lost weight because of an illness. You also don’t know if she’ll gain the weight back (about 95 percent of people do), in which case earlier praise might feel like criticism. If someone points out that a person has lost weight, consider adding something like, “You’ve always been beautiful. I’m happy if you are happy.” But if a person doesn’t mention her weight loss, then you shouldn’t mention it either. Think of something else you can compliment.
7. Using Pretend Compliments “You’re really brave to wear that.” By the way, wearing a sleeveless top or bikini does not take bravery. “You’re not fat, you’re beautiful.” These things are not mutually exclusive — a person can be fat and beautiful. “You can afford to eat that, you’re thin.” You don’t know if someone has an eating disorder or something else; there is no need to comment on someone’s body or food intake. “You’re not that fat” or “You’re not fat, you workout,” need to be struck from your vocabulary. Suggesting that looking fat is a bad thing is also insulting, so also out the door are, “Does this make me look fat?” and “I look so fat!” when you are a size 2.
8. Thinking of Women as Baby-Making Machines One of my readers mentioned that her gynecologist called her “good breeding stock.” Also awful: “baby making hips.” Worst of all is when people ask fat people when they are due. As has famously been said, unless you can see the baby crowning, do not assume that someone is pregnant.

9. Sticking Your Nose in Other People’s Exercise Routines A subtle form of body shaming occurs when people make assumptions or suggestions about someone’s exercise habits based on their size. Don’t ask a fat person, “Have you tried walking?” Don’t tell a thin person, “You must spend all day in the gym.” I have had people at the gym congratulate me for starting a workout program when, in fact, I started working out at age 12 and never stopped. I had a thin friend who started a weight-lifting program and someone said to her, “Be careful, you don’t want to bulk up.” How about not completely over-stepping your boundaries and being rude and inappropriate?

10. Playing Dietitian If you have no idea how much a person eats or exercises, you shouldn’t tell her to eat less and move more or suggest she put more meat on her bones. (Even if you do know what she eats, don’t do it). How do you know she’s looking for nutritional advice from you or the newest weight-loss tip you saw on Dr. Oz?
(taken from http://www.ivillage.com/guilty-15-ways-we-body-shame-without-knowing)


1. Saying Things Like, “She Would Be So Pretty If…” 

Have you ever uttered anything along the lines of, “But she has such a gorgeous face” or “She would be more beautiful if she put on a few pounds?” You are limiting your idea of beauty to a cultural stereotype. Beauty is not conditional. If you can’t say anything nice, maybe it’s time to learn how.

2. Judging Other People’s Clothes 
While it’s fine for you to choose clothes any way you want, nobody else is required to adhere to your style.The person wearing that outfit is, in fact, pulling it off, even if you think she’s too flat chested, big chested, short, tall, fat or thin. And fat people don’t have to confine themselves to dark colors and vertical stripes, no matter who prefers it. And spandex? It’s a right, not a privilege.

3. Making It an ‘Us vs. Them’ Thing 
The phrase “Real Women Have Curves” is highly problematic. Developed as a response to the tremendous body shaming that fat women face, it still amounts to doing the same thing in the opposite direction. The road to high self-esteem is probably not paved with hypocrisy. Equally problematic is the phrase “boyish figure” as if a lack of curves makes us somehow less womanly. The idea that there is only so much beauty, only so much self-esteem to go around is a lie. Real women come in all shapes and sizes, no curves required.

4. Avoiding the Word “Fat”
Dancing around the word fat is an insinuation that it’s so horrible that it can’t even be said. The only thing worse than calling fat people “big boned” or “fluffy” is using euphemisms that suggest body size indicates the state of our health or whether we take care of ourselves. As part of a resolution to end body shaming, try nixing phrases like “she looks healthy,” or “she looks like she is taking care of herself,” and “she looks like she is starving” when what you actually mean is a woman is thin.

5. Making Up Body Parts 
We could all lead very full lives if we never heard the words cankles, muffin top, apple shaped, pear shaped or apple butt ever again. We are not food.

6. Congratulating People for Losing Weight 
You don’t know a person’s circumstances. Maybe she lost weight because of an illness. You also don’t know if she’ll gain the weight back (about 95 percent of people do), in which case earlier praise might feel like criticism. If someone points out that a person has lost weight, consider adding something like, “You’ve always been beautiful. I’m happy if you are happy.” But if a person doesn’t mention her weight loss, then you shouldn’t mention it either. Think of something else you can compliment.

7. Using Pretend Compliments 
“You’re really brave to wear that.” By the way, wearing a sleeveless top or bikini does not take bravery. “You’re not fat, you’re beautiful.” These things are not mutually exclusive — a person can be fat and beautiful. “You can afford to eat that, you’re thin.” You don’t know if someone has an eating disorder or something else; there is no need to comment on someone’s body or food intake. “You’re not that fat” or “You’re not fat, you workout,” need to be struck from your vocabulary. Suggesting that looking fat is a bad thing is also insulting, so also out the door are, “Does this make me look fat?” and “I look so fat!” when you are a size 2.

8. Thinking of Women as Baby-Making Machines 
One of my readers mentioned that her gynecologist called her “good breeding stock.” Also awful: “baby making hips.” Worst of all is when people ask fat people when they are due. As has famously been said, unless you can see the baby crowning, do not assume that someone is pregnant.

9. Sticking Your Nose in Other People’s Exercise Routines 
A subtle form of body shaming occurs when people make assumptions or suggestions about someone’s exercise habits based on their size. Don’t ask a fat person, “Have you tried walking?” Don’t tell a thin person, “You must spend all day in the gym.” I have had people at the gym congratulate me for starting a workout program when, in fact, I started working out at age 12 and never stopped. I had a thin friend who started a weight-lifting program and someone said to her, “Be careful, you don’t want to bulk up.” How about not completely over-stepping your boundaries and being rude and inappropriate?

10. Playing Dietitian 
If you have no idea how much a person eats or exercises, you shouldn’t tell her to eat less and move more or suggest she put more meat on her bones. (Even if you do know what she eats, don’t do it). How do you know she’s looking for nutritional advice from you or the newest weight-loss tip you saw on Dr. Oz?

(taken from http://www.ivillage.com/guilty-15-ways-we-body-shame-without-knowing)

Our co-mod Stacy is a talented girl! In addition to being a kickass mod, she also runs an etsy shop where she sells jewelry, keychains, and all kinds of adorable stuff! Lately she’s been making some amazing body-positive jewelry like you see here! She can even customize with names, dates, colors, and pretty much anything else you can imagine!

Stacy is trying to finance a move to California to start a new life with her beau that will include healthcare and disability programs that she really needs. So not only would you be getting some great new jewelry, you’d also be helping out an amazing girl in need! So share this far and wide, and if you see anything you like, don’t be afraid to treat yoself! :

http://www.etsy.com/shop/ThePaperPoppyStore

http://www.etsy.com/shop/ThePaperPoppyStore

http://www.etsy.com/shop/ThePaperPoppyStore

Love,

Amber

New post on Adipose Activist: Avoiding Holiday Shame!

randomlancila:

In this post I offer some advice on avoiding talk from family members about your body, diets, and weight loss.

Hope you find it helpful! :)

Reblogging this again because I think it’s really important. You do NOT have to feel guilty about what you put in your mouth tomorrow. You do NOT have to be made to feel ashamed about your choices or your body by your family tomorrow. What you do with your body does not have to be a topic of conversation. 

Enjoy your holiday! :)

~Amber

Why Self-Hatred is a Bad Idea

onlinecounsellingcollege:

1. If you currently hate, or can’t live with, yourself there’s a very good chance that you believe a lot of lies. That is, lies that you’ve been told, and then accepted for yourself.

2. There’s only one you – and you’re truly valuable. You have special gifts and talents, and life experiences. And there’s a unique role that only you can play in life.

3. There’s always someone that you matter to. Even though, when we’re depressed, that is sometimes hard to see. You really matter to someone – and they truly care for you.

4. Even when things go wrong there is still a chance for change. There is hope for everyone – and change is possible. Keep on looking, keep on trying … and one day you will get there.

5. You were made to be loved and experience happiness. It is part of who we are – to keep living and keep dreaming. You deserve to find fulfilment – so don’t give up on yourself.