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Beautiful piece by Heather Corrina over at Scarleteen. She talks about how living with disability puts you in the mindset of not dwelling on what you can’t do, but rather adapting and focusing on what you can. Which, when applied to sex, can prevent situations like losing an erection not seem like the end of the world:
For instance, maybe you don’t have an erection right now, but you do still have hands a mouth or other body parts that are cooperating just fine that can give a partner and you pleasure, or maybe oral sex on your penis still feels amazing when it’s soft. Maybe your vagina isn’t as wet as you like, so you adapt by using some lubricant or by switching your focus from something to do with your vagina to something to do with your external clitoris, breasts, thighs or neck that feels good. Maybe you can’t have sex comfortably in this position, so you either switch to one that is comfortable, or change something with the other one, like adding a pillow or asking a partner to add support to a part of your body with their hands.
She goes on to point out that malfunctions are going to happen during sex— silly things like farting or momentary issues like leg cramps and muscle spasms. But you can get past them! Often with a better relationship you had with your partner before.
Corrina also talks about beauty standards with regards to people with disability, and how disability awareness can also make people more creative during sex. Preconceived notions of what can be done or is usually done fly right out the window. Just as many queer relationships subvert traditional gender roles because there are no rules for pansexual women dating MTF women, people with disabilities get to start from square one in engineering their own sexual pleasure.
It’s a beautifully written piece that is chock full of feel-good awesomeness and even better ideas. Give it a read.