Posts tagged fat
Posts tagged fat
I’m being brave again and submitting this because I looked at it and thought I like how my body looks. This is huge. I NEVER think that. I have gained a lot of weight and at my highest weight ever, and I am constantly at war with my body. I have suffered from eating disorders for three years, and have had terrible, horrible, non-existant self esteem for even longer. Maybe it’s just the lighting and the way I’m standing, but I actually like how I look here. Taking pictures of my body helps me to see it the way it really is and not the distorted way I see it daily in the mirror. I think the human body is a beautiful thing and is not something to be ashamed of in any way shape or form. And I’m not ashamed of my body for this one moment. I am scarred and I have thick thighs that touch and a lower belly pooch and small boobs, and thats okay. I’m still beautiful how I am. My body is mine and I need to accept it. And if I can accept it in this photo and share that acceptance with all of you, that is a step in the right direction.
I never thought I would see myself in a bikini ever again, but that’s essentially what I’m wearing- a bikini. And it’s clothing that I feel proud and comfortable to wear, even after all this time.
I submitted a photo a year back when I was trying to deal with weight gain that came with recovery from anorexia. I was still incredibly insecure, but I felt that sharing my body and trying to become more comfortable with it might help me overcome my insecurities. One year and lots of hard work later, I finally feel like I’m at a place where I can be happy with myself, inside and out.
It’s still a lot of work and I have days where I feel like I’m relapsing, only to challenge my disordered thoughts and manage to find myself stronger in the end. I know that I’m almost there, and not being able to exercise due to an injury won’t stop me from recovering. The last step in my recovery is learning to be okay with myself without feeling the need to exercise, and I’m surviving it one day at a time. It’s been almost two months since my last workout, but I’m still on the road to recovery— it may be slower than before, but I’m still going.
I think my final message to everybody is that you’re beautiful, even if you don’t think that you are. Loving yourself doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s going to be a lot of hard work, but it’s worth it. You’re worth it. You are beautiful and loved, and all those people who love you will continue to love you +/- 20lbs, I promise you that.
The first step is learning to love yourself, and freeing yourself from the restraints, whether it be internal or external. You only live once, so let your life revolve around happy moments and exciting things rather than your body because it doesn’t- and never will- define your worth.
Feel free to message me at livelaughrecover.
Trigger warning: Self harm, Neglect, Abuse
My story is pretty long but I will try and condense it. I live in California and I am 24. I have had body dysmorphic disorder since I was 8, possibly brought on by abuse and neglect. It has been a long and painful 16 years, and I have only just began treatment and was only diagnosed at 21. For 14 years I didn’t wear shorts and short sleeves even in the summer. I would love to say things have got better, but honestly as the years have past my obsessions with my body have become out of control. I have self abused myself everyday for 16 years. The focus always shifts, from stretch marks, to self harms scars, to hair, to spider veins, to size/shape/ to my face. My focus at the moment is my spider veins. I am ashamed to even talk about it to be honest. I don’t just have them on my legs, but a few on my arms and my nose. I feel so defective and I hate this but I often wonder why God made me so ugly. I compare myself everyday to almost anyone. I am so exhausted with this self hate. My husband tells me I am beautiful everyday and it hurts him so much that I feel like this about myself. But I am going to work really hard in recovery, right now I still feel like is a physical problem and not psychological. I know that needs to change. Rationally I know that our bodies are just a shell to carry us around but then there is a voice screaming in my head telling me I am disgusting. I cannot say I accept myself yet, but I hope one day I will. The world has gone mad and is very broken, I hate the bs that brainwashes us daily. I want to spread my wings and fly.Thank you for making this blog.
I feel the need to address this complex that is more than apparent when it comes to issues regarding women and: makeup, clothing and weight.
The “MEN PREFER WOMEN …” complex (not the official title).
Some how in a discussion people bring everything back round to a male perspective - “Why is she trying to lose weight? Everyone knows MEN PREFER WOMEN with curves!” Which can be as easily transferred to ‘Why is she wearing that much makeup…” “That little clothing…” And so on. It is a common belief that the only factor that dictates what decisions a woman makes to or with her body are based on a man’s opinion.
I’m more than certain that at some point I’ve implied that, if not thought it. I’m sure everyone has. It’s one of the things you don’t usually think twice about. But, once you realise the error in what you’re implying and the effect it has you are half way to bettering your attitudes to others as well as yourself.
You need to realise that you are not a preference. You are the only person who dictates how you look, what you wear and how much you weigh.
Hi there, my name is Harmony and this is my first post. I’m new to Stop Hating Your Body, and I actually didn’t know that websites like this exist. Here is my story:
I am very tall, around 5’9. I have always felt awkward about this because I appear larger then most girls. About a year ago I weighed 180lbs. I was incredibly down on myself, and I hated my body. So I started exercising and trying to loose weight. I did, I got myself down to 135. Now I am continuing to work out, but I don’t see it in the mirror. My body image is so skewed that I cannot see how beautiful I truly am. I still see myself as the same size. Despite the fact my family and friends keep telling me that I don’t need to loose weight. I am struggling with the bump between my hips and stomach. My mind wants me to starve myself and run until this bump is gone, but will it ever disappear? and will I be happy with my body once it is gone?
I don’t think so. I think blogs like this, that support positive body image, will. Reading all of the stories on this website has opened my eyes to all the different sizes of women, and how we all struggle with our body image. I envied thin women, and wished I looked like them. Realizing that we all are facing this together, makes me feel a lot stronger. I feel like I can do this, and I will learn to love my body and it’s imperfections.
I hope to post again in a few weeks and tell you of how far I have come.
Thank you for this website, and all the strong men and women who have shared their stories. You are truly inspiring to me.
TW: self harm, eating disorder
This is very brave for me to post, but I’m going to, because when I looked at this picture, I didn’t hate what I saw. I didn’t see a bulging stomach, fat thighs, and ugly scars. I saw a waist that dipped in, a small chest, and scars that are finally fading and healing. And I was okay with how I looked here. I may not be the thinnest girl and I may not have flawless skin, but I am me, and I am trying to accept that.
I have suffered from Bulimia for three years now, and have spent every second of those three years hating my body and the way I look. I have taken razors to my skin over and over because of that disgust I felt towards myself. But I am in recovery now. I am trying to see myself as beautiful the way I am. I wear what I want in an attempt to feel confident. I go to the beach in bikinis and am not ashamed of my scars. I still have terrible self-image, but I try to fight it in small ways every day. I am trying to love myself again.
This is me (and my friend lurking in the background) on a recent educational trip to Mpumalanga, South Africa. I really did not like any of the photos taken of me on this trip as my body kept being displayed in a way that really made me feel uncomfortable and disgusted with myself.
A friend told me, however, that I look like one of the Renaissance women, all porcelain skin and flowing hair and curves.. to me (as a fine artist) the epitome of beauty.
Now everytime I look at a photo of myself I remember what she said - that I AM beautiful, that my body IS beautiful and that even though I am still struggling every day with accepting myself… it’s ok to feel pretty sometimes just like it’s ok to feel rotten sometimes.
So come say hey :) I love making new friends
I’m getting used to the fact that I will probably always be fat - and that’s perfectly fine with me. I’m accepting that I’m still gorgeous, and that my beauty is enhanced by the jiggling of my thighs and the rolls on my back. I’M A BODY LOVING WARRIOR.
I’ve always been self conscious about my body. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been chubby. I hated it. I felt bad about myself and wished I could be more positive about my curves and rolls like other large ladies. I’ve had people tell me I was “too fat to date” or even just be friends with. I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) when I was 14 and that changed things up a lot. I’ve never eaten much and generally eat well. That diagnoses has haunted me for years. Knowing it might not be possible to lose any weight ever without expensive medication. I have extra body hair that I have to shave every day and I become enraged if someone touches an area with stubble. But within the past few months, I’ve stopped caring as much. I’ve started really looking at myself. I’m beautiful. My rolls are fine. My extra body hair isn’t that big of a deal and can be shaved away. For the longest time, I have felt ashamed of my PCOS. People have told me it isn’t real or that it’s not the real reason I can’t lose weight. But you know what? Even if I never do lose weight, I don’t care anymore. This is the first time I’ve taken a picture like this. And I like it. I look great. You know what else? If you have PCOS, thyroid problems or just simply like to eat, that’s okay. Your body is beautiful. YOU are beautiful. Here I am in my 280 pound glory and today, I give no fucks.
I’ve always struggled with my body. I’m always really negative about it, i feel big and heavy. I don’t feel pretty, people use to give me nicknames and such. My confidence went really low, it’s really for me to look at myself in the mirror.
I always thought having a boyfriend will bust up my confidence, i was wrong. Guys always wanted me for the wrong reasons, i weight 162 and i’m 5’6. I guess it’s today’s society that brainwashed me and wants me to be bonny and have no shape. It took me a lot to even post this picture.
People always judge me for the way i dress, they think that just because i dress “different” i’m a freak or i’m ugly. . Truth is, black is the only color i feel comfortable wearing.
It’s been almost 6 years and every year i learn something new about my body, something that makes me feel good about myself, something that gives me hope to think it’s okay to be curvy and not thin. My confidence today is still no the best, but not the worse as i look back on it. It will take time for me to love myself but i know it’s possible.
This is me right after a run. For me, my body image has been an especially treacherous battle. But now, after a long fight, I have realized:
I am fat,
and I am thin,
but most importantly, I am happy, and I am healthy.
Sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once before you win it!
Much love and good luck!
[POSSIBLE SELF HARM/ANOREXIA TRIGGER]
Hi I’m Kennedy and I’m 16.
I’ve wasn’t always insecure about my weight. But when I got into grade 7 and then highschool, I was told that the way I look is wrong. From my eyebrows, to my nose, to my legs, to my “frizzy” hair to my stomach to my grades in school. I never felt good enough for anyone. I started cutting, stopped eating, and changed myself to be “normal”. I’m still struggling with cutting, as it’s become my addiction. I took up healthy hobbies such as skateboarding, writing, drawing. I changed myself back to how I want to be. I don’t want to fit anyone’s else’s standard. I realized I don’t need to fit into the media’s version of “perfect”. I’m not perfect. And I am completely fine with that.
TW: self harm and ed
I’m done hiding my insecurities and imperfections, and whoever isn’t okay with that can go fuck themselves. Every cut, every scar, every starving period, and every purging period has helped make me and mold me into who I am today. I’m still working on accepting all my insecurities and flaws, like my cuts and body image, but I’m working on it and that’s really all that matters. Thank you for reading xoxo
TW: Molestation, Self Bashing, Depression, Suicidal
Hey there my name is Taja Brianne. I’m 24 years old and I weigh 202 (B: 46W:35H: 50). I’ve always been EXTREMELY insecure about the way I look (I’m a self basher and suffer from severe depression and anxiety) from my hair to my Feet, I’ve never liked the way I look. I thought I was so ugly (still do), And it didn’t help that Something very tragic happened to me and my family 2 years ago that really made me feel even more worthless and insecure (which I didn’t think could even happen) . Anyways Let me back up and start from the beginning so you can get the gist of what I’m talking about.
Okay so ever since I was a kid was always getting bullied and was treated very badly by damn near everyone around me. My father (who is an alcoholic and drug addict) verbally and physically abused me for a long time telling me that I was stupid and that I would never be shit and that I was a piece of shit.. My mother neglected me for a very long time because of her vices as well and it was very hard for me to deal with. . I started developing at age 7, so by the time I was in 3rd grade I had C cups. I was also taller than everyone else in my class for a minuet as well so I always was getting made fun of. I never thought I was pretty at all, in fact I thought I was the ugliest kid ever. When I was in the 6th grade I had a girl call me ugly in front of the whole class and I broke down and cried for almost an hour it was so bad that the teacher had to calm me down. I felt so worthless and insecure, in 10th grade my mom messed up my hair so bad I had to cut all of my hair off. I went to school the next day bald… I didn’t get made fun of too much for it (I actually look really good bald lol) but still when the people did talk about my hair it really got to me. Also my lack of friends didn’t help and the fact that I’m socially awkward, I am a loner (not by choice btw) so I don’t have any friends (even today) all of my friends just stopped talking to me like I wasn’t good enough for them or they all ended up leaving me (by moving) so that was a big blow to my self esteem. When I was in the 11th grade I ended up transferring schools and I ended up meeting the one person who would end up eventually destroying my life and self esteem in the process.
We met two weeks after I transferred and ended up falling in love (hard). He was my whole world; I gave everything to him… my whole life. All my friends were his friends, he did everything for me. I became completely dependent on him for everything. I even moved out of my parent’s house to live with him when I was 17. I thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. We were together for 7 years (till 2011), I found out he cheated on me 3 days after our 7 year anniversary. It devastated me and made me feel so ugly, worthless, and not good enough. I felt like I deserved it because I was fat and ugly and useless. So we broke up but we were still talking and having sex occasionally. I was so in love with him. I loved him unconditionally (and I still do). He treated me like shit and said some horrible things to me after we broke up and I let him because I felt like I wasn’t worth a damn anyways and I knew what he was saying to me was true anyways (because that’s how I felt) so it was whatever. He made me feel like he was the only one who would ever want me and to this day I still believe that. In September 28th, 2011, 7 months after we broke up was the day that my life changed.
I was talking to my 15 year old sister (at the time) about my relationship with my ex and how we were going to get back together. She had a hostile look on her face so I asked her what she had against my ex and she wouldn’t answer me. I kept asking her to tell me why she didn’t like him and finally after 10 minuets she told me. I found out that he had been sexually molesting her for the past three years (since she was 12!) …..I was in shock. I couldn’t fathom this ever happening. I ran out the house screaming and crying, I couldn’t cope with what was happening. I called and confronted him but he denied it at first…I couldn’t take it. I immediately started self bashing saying “oh how could you be so fucking stupid” “you’re a horrible person”…That night I tried to commit suicide by OD (I’ve always been suicidal since I was a kid, this was my 5th attempt) I ended up being rushed in an ambulance to the hospital and then I was sent to a mental hospital and put on suicide watch. Those were the darkest days of my life. I felt so empty, guilty, pitiful and irresponsible. I couldn’t think really all I did was self bash the whole time “of course he would cheat on you, just look at you you’re a fucking ugly ass loser” “wow you’re so ugly he went running to your younger sister, you really are a fucking loser”. I would say those things to myself all the time after that. I was heart broken, I couldn’t believe that the one person I decided to put all my trust into after tearing down that big wall I had built to protect myself would hurt me like this and fucked up my life! So from that point on I have been struggling to love myself and build up my self esteem. Some days I can’t even move because I’m so mad at myself because I gave up everything for him, I left college for him, I never worked because he took care of me. I don’t have any friends at all because all the people I hung out with were his friends and I couldn’t talk to them at all after this because it was too painful. I just let my life wither away for a person who…I don’t even know anymore. Now I’m finding it difficult to function by myself. Most days I don’t leave the house except for my morning power walk. I used to be an artist, but I don’t draw anymore because I’m so depressed. I’m trying to love myself while picking up the broken pieces of my heart. Some days I’m really suicidal because I’m thinking about my future and it looks bleak, I’m trying to break the bad habit I have of relying on men to make me feel good about myself but it is difficult because it’s all I’ve ever known. I’ve lost 30 lbs and I still don’t think I am beautiful enough for anybody to ever want to be my friend or love me again. It’s a constant struggle and some days I don’t think I’m going to make it, but I pray and ask god for guidance and he has helped me through this difficult period in my life. I’m becoming a stronger and better person and hopefully I will get over this and finally learn to love myself as unconditionally as I love others. Me and my sister are going through this together since in affected both of our lives, she is my support (along with my mother).
This blog and others have also helped me become a little more confident with my self image. So thank you and remember we all go through hard times, but god loves us and thinks we are all BEAUTIFUL.
I work as a cashier and I often get to watch the negative affects magazine headlines have on customers. This one in particular hit a nerve on a personal level. So I Fixed it! All I see now, is a bunch of confident ladies and gentlemen rocking it at the beach. Don’t let the media tell you what your body is or isn’t. The shape of your body doesn’t make it “better” or “worse”. Every body is a good body.