Posts tagged eating disorders
Posts tagged eating disorders
Trigger Warning: Addiction, Eating Disorder, Depression, Suicide
First time submitting.
I am a recovering addict. I struggled with heavy meth and coke use for years and ended up gaining and losing a lot of weight. When I sobered up I gained over a hundred pounds, and then came the stretch marks. I was embarrassed after having been thin my whole life. I went from 110 to 228 in 6 months. Yet I KNEW, I knew that this was momentary. I started to lose weight in a very unhealthy manner. I started starving myself and working out in extreme conditions. I ended up developing an eating disorder because my body was no longer use to eating, and I rarely felt hunger. It has been 6 years, and I am no longer embarrassed of my stretch marks. I have them on my arms, stomach, lower back, and legs. I wear them with pride now, I survived, and I continue to survive. I still struggle with trying to eat correctly, but I get up every morning knowing I’m alive. I attempted suicide after I sobered up because of the shame of my body and the depression that came with it. I survived. I now struggle with keeping weight on. I will never give up. This is a promise I made to myself. AND I WILL KEEP THIS PROMISE!
I look in the mirror now, and I’m happy with what I see. It’s an everyday struggle, but every struggle is just a learning experience.
This is my body, I’m mostly insecure about my giant thighs. For my entire life I’ve had people tell me to lose weight and to improve my body in they way they wanted me to. I will never forget the time in 6th grade after 2 years of bullying for lots of reasons, including my weight, when a bunch of boys shoved twinkies in my face and told me to “get my fat ass to hell” and I ran in the bathroom and made myself throw up for the first time which started up a vicious bulimic cycle that lasted for 2 years. It took me about a year and a half to go out in public not wearing baggy clothes. The first day I got the confidence to wear short shorts in 7th grade I was shot down again by another group of boys teasing me for an entire hour telling me to cover up my “disgusting legs” and to “wear some pants” and made gagging noises. It took me another 6 months to wear something tight fitting or short again. Now, this year I’ve been shot down multiple times in more subtle ways by a shit load of people, and you know how I responded? I didn’t give one fuck and showed up the next day in something shorter and tighter to say “fuck you I’m fabulous the way I am” and have decided that even though I’m on a diet, I will never be ashamed of my body again.
Trigger warning: eating disorder, bullying, low self-esteem
I’m including my url this time because I want to own this post. I haven’t really changed in terms of build since I last submitted, just lost about 15 lbs. I think that means that the toxins from eating non-food items and junk food were leaving my body, but I can’t be sure.
I have, however, completely stopped eating plastic and paper. I don’t even miss it all that much, the habit wasn’t a part of me, it was just born of anxiety. I’ve slowed the sugar-binge/caffeine purge cycle to a more even keel now, and I’m holding out a lot of hope that I can break that habit soon, too.
I’ve been trying to build healthier habits, like drinking enough water every day and working out a few times a week. I never would have thought I could walk four miles without difficulty, but along with gaining fat, I’ve gained muscle. I feel much more vital since taking responsibility for my eating habits.
Thanks to the SHYB campaign, I not only feel like I’m capable of escaping the bad feelings that led to my eating disorder; I feel like I’m joined by a lot of really positive, beautiful people.
trigger warning: mentions of eating disorder
hi! im Karlie, I’m fourteen years old and I’ll be 15 in eleven days :)
the first time i probably started to feel bad about my “chub” was two years ago. i had a really obsessive crush on this boy since i was about 10, and two years ago at age 12 we were at a pool party. this boy who i really really liked flat out called me fat. it stirred inside of me for so long, making me angry and hurt and embarrassed. i wasn’t fat by any means- i simply had some extra stuff on my tummy. but it made me so upset. my older sister is now 22 and shes struggled with bulimia for seven long years, her problems have in fact tortured my entire family. i always secretly wanted to try and starve myself, i know that sounds odd but i thought it seemed so easy to just quit eating for a little while, lose that stubborn few lbs that always plagued me, and then go back to normal. but fortunately, with my knowledge from my sister, perhaps knowledge that was wise beyond my years, i decided not to start down such a dangerous path. so like any other teenager, i still get insecure. i have a bit of a muffin top and my thighs don’t have a gap separating them and my hip bones aren’t prominent. but that’s ok. I’m not going to ruin myself because i don’t look like a model. Sometimes it’s hard because my best friend ever is model skinny. She has a great thigh gap and an awesomely flat tummy and she’s very tall. It can be hard standing beside her at the beach, knowing she has the cruel society’s definition of a “perfect” body, and to the world I am not impressive. The thought also manages to work itself into my head every now and then about girls who are obviously skinnier and who refer to themselves as fat, I wonder, if they think THEY are fat, what could they possibly think of me? Because I don’t think I’m fat, but surely they do! But I cant let myself think that way, and neither can you. In the end I cant let myself care about old crushes or mean girls or stupid society. Comparison is the greatest thief of joy. Don’t mope because you don’t have a flat belly, rejoice because your alive and well and fed. Not to be cliche, but you really do ONLY live one time. Dont waste it crying about squishy thighs.
In the end, I am ME. And that’s all I can offer. I cannot be Miranda Kerr, I cannot be a predictable “tumblr girl”, I cannot be my slim best friend, I can only be me. So I might as well be happy. :-)
Hey there, readers! My name is Stephanie, but you can call me Steph, Stephie, Stephers, Blockhead (whoops, don’t call me that, please!)… Whatever suits you! :D
I’ll warn ya’ll right now, I’m issuing a trigger warning for SELF-HATE, SELF HARM, EATING DISORDERS, and DEATH FEARS.
Like many before me, my troubles started at the cusp of puberty. I’ve involved myself in most eating disorder behaviors, have been on every end of the weight spectrum, and have self-harmed numerous times.
But the scars heal, and my weight has leveled out. I still struggle with it daily, but only now has my fear of death by ED overpowered my fear of being overweight. I indirectly know several people (all on the path to recovery) who have passed due to their disease, and I have promised myself to not be one of them. I love my personality, my gorgeous lips, my beautiful smile, my strong build. I’m beginning to understand that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, but the most beautiful body is the one you’re MEANT to have, not the one you try so desperately to obtain. I’m 15 years old, entering my sophomore year in Northfield, Minnesota, and an avid artist. I’m a lesbian and somewhat genderqueer, in the fact that while I usually identify as female, it always seems like such a tedious choice and I sometimes honestly with I were male, which does sometimes lead to body hate. But I know it won’t be my looks that get me a girlfriend, but rather my shining personality and the confidence I’ve been slowly regaining.
I’m in this fight for the long-run, and I urge everybody to join me. I love meeting new people, and I’d love nothing more than to hear from YOU, reader! So head on over to my new personal blog at www.findingpeacewithcoyote.tumblr.com and shoot me a message!
Trigger warning: Self-injury/self-hate/depression/eating disorder
Hey, I’m Megan. I’m not going to write my entire story because it’s a really long one. But I’ve struggled with my weight ever since I was a little girl. I’ve been teased for my weight by classmates, the first boy I had a crush on, and even one of my boyfriends who encouraged my anorexia so that I was thin for him.
It took a really long and difficult journey for me to realize that I’m worth so much more than being judged for what I weigh. I may not be 100 pounds but I am freaking beautiful, like any woman deserves to be. I’m slowly learning to love myself, even the “chub” I’ve spent my whole life hating.
You’re beautiful, ladies.
tw: eating disorder
I had been mulling over the idea of submitting something partly because I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted a picture of myself for the internet to see and partly because I didn’t know what picture to submit. But I wanted to encourage others and show that I can love myself for exactly who I am. I have gotten past an eating disorder, low self esteem, and looking down on myself because I’m mixed. I decided to submit a picture of when I feel the best - after I work out. Even if it’s just a walk or I’m attempting to jog, or doing whatever, I feel my body working and I feel strong and healthy. I’ve learned what it’s like to eat normally. I now am in love with the fact that I come from a Mexican and Thai heritage. I’m thankful that I know two different cultures from my parents as well as the culture of where I’ve grown up. I wake up every day thankful for who I’ve become and how much I have learned to love myself.
Feel free to talk to me if you ever want to or you ever need an encouraging word!
I’m not perfect. It’s hard to love my body. But you know what? I do. I chose this picture because it’s me dressed as Catwoman for halloween- you know, that character that’s supposed to be stick thin, apparently. I felt sexy that night and every time I look at this picture. Guess what? I would’ve worn a catsuit- but they are expensive as hell in my size. I love my breasts, I love my thick thighs, I’m even learning to love my belly rolls.
I’ve been bullied. For being poor, fat, wearing glasses, liking girls…and I’m through with letting the idea that self worth is based on how close you are to a playboy bunny and just descends from there. I’ve struggled with depression, self harm, eating disorders and suicide attempts. I am a survivor, and I know it’s rough- it still is for me- but you CAN get through it.
My message- thin, chubby, fat- whatever, bodies are beautiful! Personally, I think chubby women are sexy! I’m bisexual but now engaged to a wonderful scrawny guy- who is starting to get the tiniest bit of pudge on his middle. He frets over it- but I kiss it and say it’s adorable.
Be healthy, and be HAPPY being the wonderful creature you are! Male, Female, Black, White, Latino, Chinese, gay, straight, bi, trans..whatever YOU ARE, you’re a worthwhile wonderful person who DESERVES respect. Also- if you want someone to talk to who won’t judge you, feel free to message me on my blog. I’m here.
This is not a submission about me. It is about a girl named Synne who once posted to SHYB.
Today, July 22, 2012 marks one year since she lost her life. She was killed on the island of Utøya in Norway along with 54 other teenagers, one of 77 people massacred that day by one twisted man. She was 18 years old.
She kept another blog, where she wrote a beautiful post about struggling with her body image and self-acceptance. It is heart-breaking but has inspired so many here in Norway.
It is in Norwegian, and I won’t translate all of it, but it is worth taking the trouble to put through Google Translate. Here is a small piece of it that I hope will encourage some of you:
And this is probably the only advice I can give you: be aware. Pursue what makes you good, get rid of the rest.
… I forced myself to take a long look in the mirror… Ok, so my thighs are pretty big. And my stomach is not flat. I have some arm flab, and even a double chin. I have a big butt, I’m pale, I have scars. But is it so bad?
I have worked on making myself more aware that my body and the person I am are two completely separate things. I am not my stretch marks, I am not my stomach, I am not my body. And if anyone ever drops me because of how I look, they are the ones who lose from it. And they lose a lot.
I only live once, and I was born into this body. I will make the best out of it. I am grateful that I am here, and I will not waste my time on hating my appearance.
We miss you, dear Synne. Rest in peace.
hello, i’m Loren. first of all i’d like to say that i adore this blog and everyone who contributes to it!
i have beaten a 5 year long self harm habit, which was caused by abuse as a child. i was constantly told that i was fat, ugly and useless. i started starving myself at the age of 13, and have battled with bulimia on and off since then. after 9 months in a psychiatric unit and 6 years of therapy, i am finally stronger than ever. i have been diagnosed with extreme manic depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. i am also dyslexic.
it has taken a lot of hard work and even more optimism. i love myself, i love my body. i wouldn’t change myself for the world.
it has now been a year and 5 months since i last cut myself and i am healthy, happy, positive and determined for change. i also write positive graffiti/notes. (i shall submit some of those here too.)
everyone is beautiful.
I’m Kayla and I’m trying to make my eating disorder not part of my life anymore. I’ve been actively recovering for many months now and while weight and eating has been stabilized, I haven’t been able to cast away miserable body image thoughts. Lately, though, I’ve been trying to work on focusing on what my body can do. I’ve been doing a lot of yoga and I took this picture of my Kind Pigeon pose because I’m proud of what I can do. My body has been so good to me, it’s time to get proud and start caring for it back :)
BE BRAVE! JOIN THE BODY PEACE REVOLUTION!
TW: mentions of eating disorder, cutting
This is me, with my mother. I have struggled with an eating disorder (not diagnosed) since November 2011, cutting since April 2009- you can see one of my scars just under my bikini. It has taken me a long time to realise this, but I have slowly come to love my body. It was damn hard, and it took time. It wasn’t my doctors or my parents, it was all me, and i’m proud of that. My body is mine, I’m stuck with it for the rest of my life, so i’m gonna love it.
My mother is a size 12-14 (Aussie sizes) but she is honestly one of the most beautiful women I have seen. Wherever I go with her she gets stares from men and women alike. I know she doesn’t see herself as that beautiful, but she loves her body and has never tried to be super skinny. She is a huge role model to me, and I love her very much.
My regular blog: http://d-e-e-p-t-h-r-0-a-t.tumblr.com
My feminist blog: http://pro-choice-always.tumblr.com
Trigger warning eating disorders, purging, suicide, abuse, mention of drug abuse and self harm
Hi I’m CJ. About two (maybe even three) years ago I started hating my body, It never seemed pretty enough or thin enough. So I started cutting and starving myself I would rarely even come out from my room. Feeling unloved and better off as a corpse I attempted to hang myself but my mom caught me so I could do no such thing.
Things changed when I moved. I started eating again but the cutting and suicide attempts got worse and slowly but surely the self image problems came back. I was even being abused by my boyfriend at the time who was addicted to about every drug there was.
Thankfully he moved away and I was free from his abuse but sadly not my own. I tried to stop eating but my mom was catching on so I decided to start purging. This was not the life I wanted or deserved.
I came to the realization, with the help of this website, that I would never be as thin or perfect as I would like and that’s okay. I am beautiful and I am strong and I WILL beat this one day at a time. :)
Hi, my name is…
It was around this time just one year ago I submitted my first entry. Last year I was in a very dark place. I had self image issues, self esteem issues, & purging. I lost around 25 pounds in the course of a summer. At my breaking point, screaming for help, I told my mom everything. It wasn’t easy we both cried, she kept asking why, she blamed herself, I couldn’t look her in the eyes for about a week. She eventually took me to seek help with a therapist. I was diagnosed with severe depression & bulimia. It took time, but I got better.
If I could tell myself then what I know now I would say, there is light at the end of the tunnel, things WILL get better. You will grow up so much as a person once you release these burdens inside of you. The coming year will be hard, but it will also be a metamorphic stage in your life. You are going to to great, fun, exciting things in this coming year. You’ll have people you thought you loved leave, but you will also meet some of the best friends you have ever had. You will be & feel more beautiful than you ever had in your life which is the best feeling ever.
This goes to anyone who suffers from an eating disorder or depression. You will have dark days, but the sunny days outweigh every little raindrop. Ask for help! It’s a long step to recovery. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak or anything like that, it takes so much courage & strength to be able to look someone in the eyes & say, “I need help…” If it wasn’t for those 3 words. I don’t think I would be here today. But I’m so glad I am! I’ve never been so happy in my life. I hope my story can inspire someone else & they inspire someone else & so forth. It’s a chain reaction.
I am finally coming to terms with my body. I struggled with anorexia throughout high school. I am going to be Freshmen in college now. My senior year I got to my lowest weight of 84 pounds. I hated myself and would not eat and exercise constantly. I was always cold and my lips would tun blue. I had trouble thinking. My grades dropped and my parents started to notice. I was taken to a nutritionist and put on a meal plan to gain weight,I also saw a therapist as well. It took me a year to gain back the weight. I am now at a healthy weight and am slowly learning to love myself and my body. When I look back on pictures of last summer,I see a pale,sick,depressed looking person. Not anymore. My body is now strong and I have the energy to do the things I love. I am excited for college and want to make a new healthy start. I want to love myself and my body. It has been damaged with starvation but managed to recover. I am stronger now and I want to treat myself and my body with respect. Weight is not a number,iy does not define our personalities. It does not define us. We should not give a number the power to define who we are. Real beauty is determined by your personality,not by a scale. <3