This is a place of encouragement, a place to discuss body image, insecurities, self-esteem, and everything under the umbrella of fighting self-hate and finding self-love.
No matter what you look like, what color, what gender, sexual orientation, what size or however many "flaws", healthy, not healthy, working on it, abled, disabled, we are all human, we all deserve to be happy, we all deserve to love ourselves. With this blog you will see all kinds of REAL bodies, REAL people, REAL stories.
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(Images of Self love from SelfLoveU.com Credit to: Jenna Ryan)
Self love is a tricky one, you can’t gain it without sad realizations that maybe not everyone out in this world is there for you, that maybe not everyone out there in the world will like the way you look. You have to learn to accept your differences, and your “imperfections”, you have to realize that you aren’t always strong enough to handle situations on your own. It also means that sometimes being alone, and your own best friend is all you’ll have so make peace with yourself now, otherwise it will be harder when that time comes.
These are some things I’ve learned the hard way, and I thought I’d make a list to help you all have an easier time of it. You’re amazing, learn to realize that as soon as you can, because when you do, you’ll be so happy.
1) Admitting Your Mistakes: harbouring negative prideful feelings just perpetuates unneeded negativity and stress in your life. If you’re trying to cover up a mistake, or draw attention away from it, you’re creating an overwhelming task for yourself just based on your own pride. Accept that you made a mistake, and take that in stride when you move forward!
2) Blissfully Being Alone 3) Your Own Best Friend: SO IMPORTANT! You cannot be happy with others be that intimately or just as friends without first learning to be happy with yourself alone. Without this you become dependent on your counterparts and being alone is a much more difficult experience causing anxiety and loneliness.
4) Forgive Yourself! Sometimes we all make mistakes, it’s hard and it’s painful but holding in that sadness and self doubt and hate only perpetuates your suffering when there is no need. Recently I lost a lot of important photos because of computer trouble, it wasn’t my fault but I took on this responsibility and hated myself for what happened. Only when I talked about how I was feeling and let it all out was I able to realize that it would all be okay, the world hadn’t stopped and I could keep going and learn from this. YOU NEED TO FORGIVE YOURSELF!
5) Facing Reality: Life doesn’t work the way you want it to in most cases, you need to realize this sooner than later. End of story.
6) Ask for help!: Sometimes our own pride gets in the way of our potential to grow and progress in our work, and in our lives. You need to ask for help if you have difficulties with something! It is better to ask and succeed, than to let your pride get into the way causing you to fail in a more obvious and substantial way in the end.
7) Take Time for Hobbies: As an artist I know how important this truly is, taking time for yourself and what you enjoy aside from work and family life is very important. You need the time to get inspired, grow emotionally/intellectually and live life to the fullest! ALWAYS TAKE THE CHANCES YOU HAVE TO HAVE FUN!
8) Embrace “Imperfections”: We’re never going to attain perfection in societies eyes, so before you say your freckles, belly rolls, thunder thighs, scrawny wrists/ankles, thin hair, thick hair, curly hair, straight hair, dark skin, olive skin, pasty white skin, etc; are bad things- THEY’RE NOT! It’s what separates you from the rest!
9) Bonding With Yourself: take time every week to wind down and have your own time, if you have the money go out for a spa day, if you don’t? Have your own at home spa day making all natural products! Get a book you love, go someplace nostalgic, go see a movie alone that you’ve been wanting to see!
In the end, it’s all about self love, and you need to work hard to maintain it but it is so worth it in the end!
I hope you all find your happiness!
Your body is the coolest thing that you own.
Do you disagree? Before you do, bear with me. Let’s say for a minute that it is indeed the number one coolest thing that you own, hands down.
Now, think about the second coolest thing you own.
Maybe it’s your iPad. Maybe it’s your car. Maybe it’s your house.
Your iPad has some REALLY awesome features. You’re probably addicted to it and take it wherever you go.
Your house has doors and a toilet. A place to put your poop so you don’t have to deal with that mess. Yup, gross.
Your car gets you from point A to B, and if you’re lucky, without breaking down. Maybe it even gets good gas mileage!
Do you like it? That second awesome thing we thought of, do you like it at all? Do you even love it?
My second coolest thing that I own (excluding my wheelchair, it’s my legs), is probably my bed. It’s super comfy and if it was socially acceptable, I’d live in it. I’m in love with my bed, and it loves me too. It never wants me to leave.
As awesome as that bed..or iPad..or toilet is, it’s still numero dos. No matter how hard you try to convince me that it’s not, I’ll disagree with you.
Your body is the reason you’re able to enjoy any of these things.
It’s really cliche’, but it’s your greatest gift. It let’s you feel, maybe see awesome things, maybe hear awesome things. We use it to communicate. It’s portable. It’s affected by gravity, so we can stay in one place. It let’s us have fun and enjoy things. It participates in creating other bodies, which is mind-blowing.
Your body is unbelievably adaptive. It was made to conquer all obstacles. Hell, you’re still here, I know you’ve made it through something.
Not only is your body growing physically, but your mind is adapting as well. You’re learning all the time and things are changing, whether you can see it right now or not. This body that you own, not only was it born awesome, but it keeps getting more and more awesome if you take the time to allow it to do so. Also mind-blowing.
No matter how hard it is for you to do any of these basic functions, or wait for change, your body is STILL the greatest thing you own.
Myself, for instance, I have a “disabled” body.
I can’t walk. I can’t lift my arms above my head. I can’t use the bathroom by myself. I can’t cook. I can’t drive. I can’t climb. Some days it’s hard for me to breathe. Some days, it’s hard for me to hold my head up and keep balance.
Granted, I am blessed with hearing, sight, feeling. That’s awesome. So freaking awesome.
Even so, my body is nowhere near ‘perfect’. Who’s really is? Just because my body can do a few awesome things doesn’t mean it looks great, right?
I mean, my teeth are disgusting, I lack dental insurance. My spine won’t grow any taller, there’s a titanium rod in it. My belly sticks out farther than I’d like. I have hardly any boobs. My arms are like twigs. My nose is kinda big. My lips are small. My shoulders are bony. I have scars. I have chubby thighs. The list goes on, really.
The thing is though, this body is mine.
I could waste some money on surgeries and products to try to change it, but I’ll still be left with myself. I won’t be that super model. I won’t be anyone else.
And my body will still be the most awesome thing that I own.
I don’t care what it looks like, it’s still mine.
I don’t care what it looks like, I can still see it.
I don’t care what it looks like, I can still feel.
I don’t care what it looks like, my mind is still growing.
I don’t care what it looks like, there’s still nothing like it.
There is nothing like your body, and I promise you, that alone makes it beautiful.
Stop comparing yourself, you will never be like anyone else in the long-run.
Trust me, I know how hard it is. Depression can eat away at you. I’ve been there before, and I know it’s not easy. But you’ve still got so far to go emotionally, that your body image isn’t going to matter. It’s not the source of your happiness, even if you tricked yourself into believing that. Imagine how unhappy you’d be if you couldn’t do any of these awesome things I’ve been talking about.
We’re all going to either die young or become old and wrinkly, anyway.
Go take a walk around a hospice for awhile, I bet you won’t hear anyone saying “Man, if my nose was just a little different.”
“If I was a bit thinner.”
No. That doesn’t matter anymore, and honestly, it doesn’t now.
So why hate the very most awesome thing that let’s you enjoy life and is the root to everything else you experience? Why place anything on earth above that?
Go out and do something that makes you happy, because you can. Because your body is here and allowing you to. Because you’re an awesome person anyway.
Regardless of all of this, I bet you’re extremely aesthetically pleasing, and adorable. It’s never as bad as you make it out to be.
I love you.
This weekend I hosted a party at my house for 7 young girls who were 14 heading into high school in the fall.
I did this because I went through a lot of self hatred, self harm, an bad relationship, all on top of school work and it was really, really hard. So I wanted to have a night to be real and hang out with these girls and give them some advice on how to better love themselves and have a better high school experience…
It was wonderful! They all loved it and want to do it again, and they really loved being able to talk about issues that were pressing on them and frustrated them.
But at the same time it was also sad, because every single one of these 7 girls was upset about some aspect of their bodies, their stomachs weren’t flat enough, their eyes were too far apart, they looked to young, they had ugly hair, they hated their chests… The list could go on and on, and it’s so sad that this is the case for almost every girl I know at this age.
Girls, I write this to you today to say:
You are beautiful, you are worthy of all the love you receive and you are worthy of so much more than even that!
Your stomachs are beautiful at any size, your eyes are gorgeous, your hair is wonderful, you, yes you… are AHMAYZINGGGGGGG!
Take time to work on your heart and your mind, and in time you will be able to see this on a daily basis.
You. Are. Wonderful.