This is a place of encouragement, a place to discuss body image, insecurities, self-esteem, and everything under the umbrella of fighting self-hate and finding self-love.
No matter what you look like, what color, what gender, sexual orientation, what size or however many "flaws", healthy, not healthy, working on it, abled, disabled, we are all human, we all deserve to be happy, we all deserve to love ourselves. With this blog you will see all kinds of REAL bodies, REAL people, REAL stories.
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Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
triggers: self-harm (maybe)
This blog has been an inspiration for me since the day I discovered it! I’ve posted my support before, but have yet to really talk about myself and my own body issues because they are significantly different than most found here, so I wasn’t entirely sure if this was the place to “come out” or not, but based on a hugely positive and supportive response I got mentioning this elsewhere, I am going to try this.
I am what’s known as a eunuch. That is, I no longer have a penis. If I got into the entire story behind this, it would take a month to write; suffice to say, this was not a medically necessary procedure at all. It was done with the encouragement of some people I met online, in August of 2010, seeking attention, seeking admiration, but once it was done, these people faded away quickly, and today I have to live with the results of my admittedly poor choices. This was the first big step for me, to stop blaming others and accept the personal responsibility for my own actions.
It’s the “living with the results” that has been a challenge, because this is something that’s SO hidden. This is something no one I pass on the street would think of, none of the people I work with have the slightest inkling. It’s a heavy, heavy secret that I carry with me all the time, but of course it’s never far from my mind.
This “change”, if you will, created all kinds of self-image issues, particularly sexual self-image, that I have, until recently, had to wrestle with alone. I am entirely unable to perform as a male, unable to satisfy a female normally; due to the mechanics, I find I generally need to sit down now to pee, furthering feelings of shame and emasculation. Suicide has crossed my mind many, many times, and I have made two attempts.
What changed all this for me was my current girlfriend. For a long time after meeting her, I was terrified to share my secret, thinking she would abandon me in an instant, but when the day finally came, I broke down and told her the whole story, and just when I thought she was going to stand up and walk out the door, she embraced me, and we both wept together. She has opened in me a sense of accepting myself for who I am, made me realize that not having that one part doesn’t make me any less of a person, and that people who would ridicule or shun me for this; it’s THEM that have the problem. As my girlfriend likes to remind me, there isn’t one person in the world who doesn’t have scars of some kind or another. Because of her, and how much she loves me for who I am, regardless of the scars I come with, I am beginning to be able to look in the mirror and say “I AM BEAUTIFUL!!”
Every single person on this blog is beautiful beyond description, and all their courage in accepting themselves and finding courage to share here has given me the courage to do likewise. So thank you, to every person reading this, for your courage and support, for sharing and giving me the strength to share this. You’re all beautiful just as you are!!
I realize people might still have questions, etc, I tried to keep this somewhat short and to the point. I welcome any questions or comments, feel free to email me at dorianthorn@yahoo.com or to follow me on here (though I don’t post a whole lot, I’m more of a reader): http://dorianthorn.tumblr.com
And lastly, to everyone:
BE BRAVE! JOIN THE REVOLUTION!
I have no words. Why…why did you do that?
who the fuck cut off his penis because some people on internet want him to?!