Do you see the girl in that picture? The one in the green jumper? That’s me. That picture was taken today, at a theme park. The people standing around me, pretending to ‘ride me’? Those are my friends.
To you, this may not seem like a particularly meaningful picture. It might even seem a little crude. Lord knows it isn’t the most flattering of angles. But for me this marked a massive milestone in my life that I wanted to share.
For the last five years of my life I have been miserable. After being abused to the point that I was hospitalised fourteen times, I got a little broken. I have hated my body, punished my body, punished myself. When I was invited on days out, I would never go, simply because I couldn’t face parading a body I hated around anywhere except for my house and work.
But today I went with my friends to a theme park. I wore skinny jeans and trainers and I ate doughnuts and I went on rides (not the roller coasters - too scary!) and I ran and I laughed. I had fun. When I got cold, I bought a innuendo printed jumper and TOOK PICTURES WITH MY FRIENDS. These are the only pictures of me and my friends that have been taken in a very long time. So whilst they may not be beautiful, I will treasure them forever. This picture marks the beginning of my recovery. The beginning of what I know is going to be a beautiful year. I’m done punishing my body. I’m done punishing myself. I’m going to laugh and have fun and go on adventures and LIVE.
Because this is the thing. Those people, standing around me? The girl who took the picture? They like me. And everyone spent the whole day telling me how great I look. I was asked out by three different guys. All because I was happy. I was enjoying myself. I was confident (maybe not amazingly confident, but I’m getting there. fake it until you make it and all that). I always thought my body was the one thing stopping me from being happy. I was wrong. The only thing stopping me from being happy was me. And I’m so done with that.
If I can do it, anyone can.