possible triggers: sex/virginity
I’m going to tell you something very personal, over a public internet site in hope of someone learning from my mistakes. I lost my virginity at only 14 to my boyfriend of two weeks, because of my insecurities and low self worth and esteem. It’s been said that people will only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated. If you’re in a bad relationship or you allow your friends to patronize or demean you, you must not like yourself very much. If you did, you wouldn’t be in that relationship, you wouldn’t have those friends. I can easily say at 14 I did not have any self worth. I believed that nobody would ever want me because I was revolting looking, I thought that this boy was being extremely kind and self sacrificing by merely thinking I was attractive. I did not value myself remotely highly enough to stop the thought process of “this boy is the only person who thinks I’m pretty, he must love me if he wants to have sex with me. If I have sex with him it means our relationship will be long anyway, so I don’t need to wait”
I couldn’t have been more wrong. These thoughts and the act of sex continued throughout our four month long relationship, until he dumped me over Facebook after admitting that he’d stopped liking me into the second month, because I was boring and wore too much make up. I was devastated to say the least, ‘broken beyond repair’. This boy had been my first kiss, my first relationship, my first “love” – I had given him everything, I had opened and exposed my insecurities to him with the expectation of being loved and accepted back, only to have it all thrown back in my face.
But I learnt from this, I learnt some of the most important lessons in my life and I want to share them with you:
Do not let your insecurities define the course of your life, do not let your low esteem or opinion of yourself define you.
Hundreds and hundreds of people throughout your life will think that you’re attractive looking, or pretty, hot, beautiful etc and the chance is some people will find you the opposite. Do not let the opinions of others distort your opinion of yourself in a negative way, you are better than that.
- You will regret some of the decisions you made throughout life, but let none of your mistakes go to waste. Learn from them and apply them to your daily life to make you a stronger and more knowledgable person
- You do not need negative influences in your life, or anybody who doesn’t treat you with the full love and respect you deserve, rid yourself of toxic people. Keep only those who make you feel positive and happy.
Everything’s a little bit easier if you smile.
From now on I will always try and treat myself and my body with love and respect, I hope everyone reading this can take whatever steps needed and join me. I’m just an inbox away if you need support, advice or a friendly message. - kwlteen