hello! i’m deirdre and this is my first submission to SHYB.
(Trigger warning for bullying)
I couldn’t tell you the first time I ever felt insecure about my body, or how long I’ve hated myself, but I can tell you that at my ripe age of 19, I believe it’s been long enough. I’m ready to begin to love myself, flaws and all. However, this isn’t the easiest thing for me. During my senior year of high school, I was bullied based off of my size by several different people. It’s difficult to love yourself when harsh words like sausage and cow are begin thrown at you, and when diet jokes are being made at your expense. My biggest insecurities are my stomach, my thighs, and my arms, and having people viciously try to demean me and hurt me by highlighting aspects about myself I already was uncomfortable with nearly destroyed me. When those people are around me, I still become overly insecure. I’m coming around to a realization that I can’t let those people rule my life with their hateful words. That their thoughts should not dictate how I feel about myself. That they are wrong. I am not fat, I have fat, but I will not let myself be defined by any of their words. I am a human being with a functioning body. It does not look like theirs because it is mine. And for the most part, I love me. I love my smile, my hair, my face, my feet, but mostly I love what’s inside. My giving nature, my compassion, and kindness. Though I’ve had pictures taken of me in a bikini before, this is the first I’ve taken intentionally showing off all of my body. I’m beginning to have more days in which I stare at myself in the mirror and love what I see. I’ve begun telling myself that this is MY body. It’s mine, and no one has the right to tell me that it is wrong or disgusting. Because it’s not. Though I have days that I don’t feel good about myself, and days that I spend comparing myself to others, I’m working on loving myself. I love my body and all it does for me, and you should too. Love your body, love your self.