Hi, hey, hello, my beautiful ones. My name is Pia. On tumblr, I am known as am0ur (am0ur.tumblr.com). I am 17 years old, and haven’t had the easiest life, I’ve been through traumatic experiences (Which are too personal to share here) and have suffered a lot. Lost a lot. But, if you keep reading until the end - you’ll see how hard I am trying to become a more positive person, despite my struggles. I spent around 6 months in Psychiatric Hospitals. I have Schizoaffective Disorder Bi-polar type, a mixture of Schizophrenia and Bi-polar. I also get fairly awful depressive, suicidal and dissociative episodes, and have been struggling with self-injury for the past few years. Sometimes things would get so bad, that the Doctors would tie my ankles and wrists to a stretcher and inject me with sleeping drugs. I was an involuntary patient, very confused, very sick. So many Doctors had no idea what was wrong with me, it took a long time to get the right diagnosis. The pain in my heart, the Depression, was so hard to stand. But, somehow I made it through. I survived my suicide attempts. Though, to be honest,I have a non-existant sense of self-esteem. I am very insecure. I hate everything about myself. My thighs, my hands, my feet, my stomach, everything. I could keep talking about my problems, but that’s not why I’m here. I want to talk about my recovery effort (Thank you to the wonderful co-patients and Doctors that have helped me to get to this point. You know who you are!) I had been told that I would be in and out of Psychiatric institutions for my whole life. But, they were wrong. I am proving them wrong. I’ve been out of Hospital for months, and I’m learning to fight for my happiness as well as follow my heart in life. I am doing everything I can to follow my dreams. And guess what? I am succeeding. I’m loving life. I am eternally thankful to those who I have loved and lost, who are watching over me, that I survived. I am so happy to have survived my suicide attempts. I am so happy to be alive. And, now, with the help of my friends, family, and Psychiatrist - I’m actually living!!! Not simply existing, like I was before. I now know who my true friends are, and I have them. I love them. I eat healthily and exercise a lot. I have my beautiful horses, animals, and I work as a Stable Hand and Exerciser currently - although I am also a qualified Medical Secretary, Receptionist and Ward Clerk as of yesterday! I’m going back to do year 12 next year, and after that, I want to become a Psychologist/Psychiatrist and author. I want to help people find the light that I have found. I learnt that the key to having a life that you love - is to follow your heart, and your passion. Don’t let anyone else write your story for you. Because if you don’t write it, they will. Do what you love, and follow it with all of your heart. I promise, that things will get better. They have for me. Yes, I still struggle with my self-esteem issues, and I still hate myself. I’m not one of those beautiful brave girls who completely embrace themselves, flaws and all! Gosh, do I admire them! But, I’m trying to be more positive. I’m trying to hate myself less. I’m trying my hardest to realise that imperfection is reality, and reality is beautiful. I believe that someday, I’ll get there. So will you. I believe in all of you, I love you all. Don’t lose hope - things DO get better. I am living proof. XX
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