TRIGGER WARNING/TW: Mental/Psychological Disorders/Suicidal Thoughts/Abuse.
I was really inspired to post a picture here. This blog is incredible.
I’ve always been the bigger girl all my life. I grew up with a mom who couldn’t afford food that was nutritious, healthy, the like. I grew up eating whatever was around. Traditionally, junk. So, it’s rather embodied in my brain that eating is a way of comfort, to never eat the right things, drink the right things, make choices, live with them. It’s hard to break out of, this we all know. I didn’t have the best childhood, no father in the picture, I suppose he was disgusted and just high tailed and left, and my mother put me through 8 years of mental torment, constantly calling me fat in front of her friends, laughing at me, calling me a whore and a bitch.
Now I am 20 years old. No longer with my mother, my grandparents took the best of care of me, well. As much as they could.
At the age of 16 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Type 1. I suffer deep, deep depressions, I have been in one for 12 years. Small periods of high intense mania. Strong impulses, to shop, steal, use, lie, cheat, and eat.
But. I am high above those impulses. I am not letting my disorder define who I am. I am not letting my weight define who I am. I am a smart girl, who is artistic, lovely, incredible, and above all. Brave. To not succumb to suicide. To not go back to the Psychiatric Hospital. To not look at her arms and wrists and feel the urge, the stinging pain and succumb to it. No, I am not that person anymore.
I love this life I live. I love to wake up and look outside my window and see the light blue through my curtains and just know that another night has went and gone where I am still alive and breathing.
Today is going to be a good day.
BE BRAVE! JOIN THE BODY PEACE REVOLUTION!